Do you want to remain happily married?

Then don’t do 3 things and do 3 things:

DON’T:

COLLECT GARBAGE: Have a selective memory. Remember only good and forget all bad. Garbage always stinks and only you will smell it.

TRY TO MOULD, CHANGE OR SCULPT: If you didn’t like what you saw, why did you marry? If you liked what you saw, why do you want to change it? Your spouse is not a rock, a lump of clay or a patient in your hospital. They didn’t marry you to be changed. So change yourself to like them.

CRITICIZE: Nagging never works. If he wanted a nag he’d have married a horse. Forgive and seek forgiveness. Nothing works like SORRY. Do you want Allah to forgive you? Then forgive your spouse and thank them for giving you so much practice.

DO:

LAUGH: Always at yourself and with others. A sense of humor is like air. You need it to remain alive. Laugh especially when you’re having problems. Laugh at yourself for marrying someone so irritating…and you thought you were clever. And laugh because she was stupid enough to marry you. Couples who can laugh together, stay together.

THANK: Thank your spouse because there’s no thanking Allah without thanking the people. So thank them for all the so-called small things. You will know the value of those small things when they are not there.

SHOW YOUR LOVE: Demonstrate your affection. They’re not mind readers. Even if they are, they like to see it. So show it. And do that at least three times a day. I’ve been married 30 years and at least I’m happy, so I should know.

Last two as a bonus: Say yes as much as possible. Say no only to things which are against the Shariah. Smile a lot. Keep your mouth shut especially if you’re angry. And remember that perfect happiness is only in Jannah.

Finally: Give her your cheque book. Tell her it’s hers to manage. If she spends it all you’ll both fast until next pay day. If she needs more money she should ask Allah for it in Tahajjud. Make her the authorized signatory in the bank. And live happily ever after.

Parting shot: All of the above applies equally to both spice…my plural of spouse. That’s why they call marriage the spice of life.

They don’t? Well, they should.

10 Comments

  1. Syed Anwaarullah

    JazakaAllahu Khairan. Short, simple and sweet (and spicy, ouch spousey 😉 )

    Reply
  2. Syed Ahmed

    Beautiful, insha'Allah will follow.
    Some of them I try with mom, and I know how magical are the results.

    Reply
  3. Zoha Hassan

    My mentor!

    You've always made things look easy. That's why it's more easier for amal!

    Reply
  4. Mohamed Essa

    Alhamdulillah this is the most useful marriage Qutba which all those who wants to marry and those who are married should know

    Reply
  5. Iqbal Hussain

    Good it's a 3 x 3 advice (3 Do's and 3 Don'ts)!

    Any bigger and the impact would have been lost. جزاك اللهُ خيراً

    Reply
  6. Uzma Qadri

    JazakAllah khair for such a beautiful advice…as always I must say!

    Reply
  7. Baig Sayeed

    JazakAllah Khair Shiekh for the reminder.

    Reply
  8. khmustafa

    JazakAllahKhair, for such short advice which is essential for all who are married and wanted to get married

    Reply
  9. Abdullah Syed

    JazakAllah Khairan Yawar Bhai. Much depth under each of the 8 bits of advice and a podcast each therein InshAllah :). On the topic of Garbage; merely "forgetting" may be flubbed as sweeping under the rug. One might be advised to learn the art of LISTENING and SPEAKING with the purpose of objectively hashing out root causes of dispute, to the extent that both parties are able to see a misunderstanding where one previously saw conflict or overstepping of boundaries. Then, a dispute can be forgotten in earnest. 5 Love Languages, and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus are excellent relationship books that often get referenced in my household.

    Reply
  10. Unknown

    I love these! Uncomplicated humour and humility can do wonders for sure!

    Reply

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Yawar Baig & Associates™ is an Organizational Development Consulting company specializing in helping organizations achieve their goals by aligning their structure and business processes with their Core Ideology.